she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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