She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
