So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My vagina just recognized that song.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
