haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
