What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
