Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
