I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let's get the cat blown out
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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