She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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