I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
