While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
