there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize