First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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