every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
