i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
