if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
