Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
3 2 1 whiskey
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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