Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize