put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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