Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
