Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
