I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
