I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
