my soul wont recognize me after tonight
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
