her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
