Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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