last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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