How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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