my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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