Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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