She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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