Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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