Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
