Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
