so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
