If i come over, it means nothing
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
