i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
