Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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