I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
