You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
