I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
