hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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