you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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