I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
