can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
