Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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