We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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