Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
