Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
