her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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