Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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