She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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