i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
