omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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