Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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