I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
