xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
