I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
