oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
