You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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