So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
