I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
