how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
