Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
