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• (409): View more from Texas

  It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.

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• (315): View more from New York

  MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

  (315): View more from New York

  AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.

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• (760): View more from California

  Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.

  (1-760): View more from California

  Party city is having a sale on maracas

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???

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• (305): View more from Florida

  NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY

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