I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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