She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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