shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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